Are your relationships in balance? Part two of finding out how to balance our relations at work will help us learn where we stand and how to score our relationships.
If you didn’t catch the first post about workplace relationships, now would be a good time to go back and give it a read! To start the process of relationship balancing take a close look at your workplace relationships. At times of pressure or difficulty most individuals “react” automatically to those they are working with. Automatic “reactions” are one of the greatest obstacles to positive energy flow. A response (as opposed to a reaction) is thoughtful, measured and constructive to what is going on. It is driven by goals and values, not by automatic impulses. It allows us to stop reacting and take charge of what is going on.
Examine each workplace relationship carefully. Assess exactly what you want from this person. What is the function of this relationship in your life? What effect is the relationship presently having? As you do this, you are putting a stop to automatic, knee jerk reactions and channeling your energy and resources.
Activity – Discover Your Personal Relationship Balancing Quotient
List each individual you interact with. Place a score next to each person’s name. Each person will be scored from 1-4.
(1 – not at all; 2 – somewhat; 3 – moderately; 4 a great deal)
a)Each of these individuals are a positive force in my life.
b)I feel at ease with this person.
c)I trust this person.
d)I communicate naturally with this person.
e)I understand what they’re communicating to me.
f)I am able to ask this person for what I want from them.
g)I am able to give this person what they want from me.
- 7-12 Quotient is A1 – Unbalanced
- 13 –17 Quotient is A2 – Moderately Unbalanced
- 18- 22 Quotient is A3 – Moderately Balanced
- 23-28 Quotient is A4 – Well Balanced
Be clear about how balanced or unbalanced a relationship is. This clarity is an important step to making the corrections needed.
Common Sources Of Relationship Imbalance
Source 1 – Casting Blame.
It is easy and often natural to blame others for our own difficulties, failures, mistakes or lack of self-esteem. Sometimes we feel the other is diminishing us, or trying to take something important away. However, by blaming another for your own difficulty, you are disempowering yourself. Take a look at your part in difficult situations. See new ways you could possibly respond.
Source 2 – Holding Onto Resentment.
When we refuse to let go of the wrongs we feel have been done to us, resentment builds and inevitably effects successful outcomes. Resentment cast upon another must also inevitably bounce back upon ourselves. This leads to an unwillingness to communicate and to generalized stress and anxiety. One of the greatest skills we can develop is to learn how to let go of resentment on the spot, the sooner, the better.
Source 3 – Holding onto unrealistic hopes and expectations of the relationship.
Expectations are an enormously important factor in obstructing workplace harmony. When the images, dreams or expectations we have of another are different from the reality of how they are behaving, we become hurt, angry and often withdrawn. The same happens in connection with expectations we hold of ourselves. Some are always failures in their own eyes and believe others feel that way as well. It is enormously important to determine what our expectations are, (both of others and ourselves) and whether they are congruent with our present situation and realistic.
Activity – Creating Your Own Relationship Blueprint
List the people you are in relationship with at work. Honestly list your expectations of them, what you hope for or imagine. Also write down what you expect of yourself in each relationship. Then write down what is actually going on now, and how you feel about it. So often we are responding to expectations we have that have nothing to do with the reality of the present situation. To overcome this, become very clear about the purpose of this relationship. Are your expectations appropriate? Are you projecting feelings from another time, person or situation onto this individual? Look at the picture with clear eyes. Discard expectations that are unrealistic. This immediately releases enormous tension and anxiety and permits balance to be restored. New lines of communication open naturally.
Now create your own relationship blueprint. Create a new vision for the relationship based upon what is happening now, and what is the best for both of you. Blueprints have power. They assist us in taking charge of what we are experiencing, correcting distortions and negativities and replacing it with what we want. In this way we keep track of where we are, who we are with, and what it is that is truly appropriate constructive in this time at this place for all concerned. Take the time to make sure your workplace relationships are functional. It’s worth it!