Typically when a work relationship spins out of the positive and into the negative, a process I call “The Three R’s” has been present in some way.
“The Three R’s” is a little ditty that we all run in our emotions from time to time. Some of us run the program almost constantly thinking we’re winning the race of growth when in truth just the opposite is happening. The end result of running the “The Three R’s” can do serious damage to you and your business. “The Three R’s” is just this, First there is Resentment, then Resistance and finally Revenge. The hard truth is when you’re running the “The Three R’s” which is an emotional program, you feel good. You feel like you’re justified and you feel like you’re winning. The “The Three R’s” is usually triggered to run when you feel you’ve been wronged in some way.
- The first R is RESENTMENT – which is any negative emotion towards any person, place, thing, condition, circumstance, thought or idea.
- The second R is RESISTANCE – defined by the withholding or withdrawal of any of your resources, potential, gifts, talents or positive expressions.
- The third R is REVENGE – the process or desire of making another person feel your pain in some way, in any way.
This emotional energy follows the laws of the universe. Energy can’t be created or destroyed if it’s snuffed out in one place it shows up in another. Energy gets expressed and in this case it shows up either in our physical body or in our results. As the author and speaker, Les Brown says, “Most people aren’t overweight because of what they’re eating. They’re over weight because of what’s eating them.” One of the areas that is, I think, most susceptible to running a “The Three R’s” is in pricing of your services. In your heart of hearts you want to make sure you’re affordable and at the same time you must generate enough income to make a living. If you charge too little for your services, at some point you will most likely begin to feel you’re providing more value than you’re being paid for from your client. Your client forgets “the deal” you made them in the beginning of your agreement.
When you run “The Three R’s” you begin to resent your client and as “The Three R’s” plays out, as it always does, you begin to cut back on your efforts, services, or deliverables. As this happens, your client begins to notice and feels slighted. You can see how this begins to spin out into a “not good” situation. When your “Three R’s” is running it is a clear indicator that you have assigned the responsibility of the process and repercussions of your thoughts, your actions and thereby your results to something other than yourself. When the “The Three R’s” is running in you it’s as if your creed is “whose the matter with me today.” As my friend and mentor, Paul Martinelli says, “If other people can make you sad, glad or mad… you’ve been had.”
Now that you’ve been introduced to “The Three R’s” let’s talk a little about another helpful concept called Relationship Balancing. Relationships are a powerful factor in contributing to an individual’s success. We all want to know the secrets of building healthy workplace relationships. Yet so many become involved in negative situations at the workplace which drain their energy, enthusiasm and success. Relationship balancing shows how to turn all this around.
Relationship Balancing: What Is It?
Relationship Balancing is the natural flow of energy, support and enthusiasm that develops between individuals who are interacting positively. When this flow is balanced individuals become able to fully tap their potential, inner resources become available and work proceeds optimally. When this flow is blocked an energy drain occurs, resentment develops and success is impeded on many levels.
Keep an eye out for part two where we will discuss your personal relationship balancing quotient!