Time to put a stake in the ground. A line in the sand. To choose a side. Whichever cliché phrase we use, here it is: managers and employees should not be friends.
Usually I start out these blog posts with a bunch of links to other articles that make this same point, or maybe find one or two that say the opposite and raise my objections. But not this time. That’s because if you’re reading sharp writing from Well+Good, a Q+A piece from Forbes online, the old argument-from-personal-narrative (via Fast Company), a classic Refinery 29 collection of horror stories or dos and dont’s list from Workopolis, the answer is basically the same.
They all say pretty much: Yeah, maybe you can be friends with your boss, but be careful.
This is bad advice. Bosses and workers should not be friends. Cordial—sure. Affable—you bet. Aware of someone’s personal life—totally fine. But your boss should not be your bud.
Obviously, We’re All Human
Because we tend to spend more time at the office than we do at home, people often develop close social bonds with their colleagues, supervisors, and subordinates. That makes sense: we are working together, often under pressure, and sometimes in extremely close quarters.
But still, these connections should not be thought of socialization. That’s not the point. We are there to get a job done, not to become friends. Doing so encourages us to think of our professional colleagues as a family, not a team. But companies—like their counterparts in the world of sports—should be comprised of high-performance players with complimentary skills. Mutual respect is necessary, but personal affinity is dangerous.
Yes, Liking Somebody Is a Problem (at Work)
I know I’m asking for a crazy level of compartmentalization, but a business exists to provide value for stakeholders. That means working. Of course we need to get along and have positive communication, but the more you like a coworker as a human being, the more likely you are to show favoritism.
When we like the people we work with, we tend to develop loyalties. That means we’ll cover for them when they make mistakes (which is unethical) and potentially skirt the rules for them because we care (which could be illegal.) As always, loyalty should be to principles, not people.
The more you care about someone, the more you become aligned with them. In fact there is a principle in law called spousal privilege, which roughly means that a husband or wife cannot be compelled to testify against their partner. No such rules exist for employees!
Where To Make Friends
There’s a great place to find new friends, which is namely, anywhere but work. Join a faith community. Pick up a new hobby. Participate in a sport. Work is about getting work done, and when our relationships push past collegial is when work gets in trouble.
Some reading this may say that working remotely, as I do, can be lonely. But, speaking from experience, it’s truly not. I’m a mother of four and have found that, if not for the freedom I have with working from home, I’d never be able to balance work with the chaos that comes with a large family. My priorities are easily manageable because I can stay at home and accomplish all that I need to while still keeping my career.
And That is That
Even though I’m taking a firm stand—managers and employees should not be friends—the last word on this topic isn’t likely to happen any time soon. Human beings are complex, emotional creatures. And we are always going to have emotions at work.
My advice is to try and focus on getting things done when you are on the clock, in the office, at the job site, or visiting the customer. You’re absolutely going to get to know people, but remember why you’re there.
And really, knowing our purpose in any context is a pretty sure route to satisfaction.